Tuesday, July 21, 2009
realisd that i've not blogged here for ages! (not that many people read my blog anyway).. i think i kinda forgot i had a blog..
it's the second last day of my long awaited holidays today. gonna work on thurs till next sat and then sch starts! not that i'm involved in orientation week but then it's the bidding week, with all the rubbishy stuff.. yes yes, i know i'm crazy to work for the remaining hols but then i guess i really need the $$$ since our sch is super budget and does not give us allowance when we have attachment! haha.. but i guess i can't deny that clinical provided us "an INVALUABLE EXPERIENCE", one that cannot compared with the $$$ loss we have to bear with. haha. but then working for uncle yau hong also gives me experience, with a bonous too--> $$$ :) haha.
i guess so much has happened since the last time i blogged. i fulfilled 9 weeks of clinicals, 3 weeks in gen surg ward, one in OT, another in CDC and the 4 weeks in 2 different ortho wards (not to mention the super fun night shift in the first ortho ward)! i enjoyed myself tremendously despite the fact that i had to work with someone difficult (not gonna elaborate here since everyone kinda alr knows what's going on and it has been talked about so much that i'm just so sick of the unkindness of it all)! i guess through it all, i've learnt to be more patient, even though i knew that i could have done a whole lot better. but sometimes i wonder where do you draw the line between being nice and letting the other person take advantage of you.. i remember wei-en once explaining it to us during Auxano when we were listening to the sermon on the mount- the beattitudes. "blessed are the meek..." but i guess the situations are different. i guess i should go dig up that auxano notes and read it again. but anyway, back to clinicals, i guess i'm really thankful cux we were all able to take cases, giving holistic care to the patients. and i'm really thankful for my first preceptor who taught me to care for the patient despite having so much admin to do as a staff nurse. she's really someone who i really aspire to be when i graduate.. she's proficient in her skills and knowledge, compassionate in her actions and i can really see God's love shining through her.. haha.. i feel like i'm repeating my clinicals feedback.. whoops..
i guess lately the main thing on my heart has been my dg.. many thoughts and i am really quite discouraged about things. but i guess i'm thankful for the advice, the affirmation and the encouragement that has been given to me. but most importantly, i'm quite thankful for how God has been revealing things to me, things which i've not given much thought to in the past. it's been quite a journey and i do hope that God would work a miracle in the girls' lives.
okies.. i need to stop blogging and go bathe... can't be late for bsf!! :)
Labels: clinicals, thoughts, work
5:11 PM
Friday, July 11, 2008
Show me the way of the cross once again
Denying myself for the love that I’ve gained
Everything’s You now, everything’s changed
It’s time You had my whole life
You can have it all
Yes I resolve to give it all
Some things must die, some things must live
Not ‘what can I gain’, but ‘what can I give’
If much is required when much is received
Then You can have my whole life
Jesus, have it all
I’ve given like a beggar but lived like the rich
And crafted myself a more comfortable cross
Yet what I am called to is deeper than this
It’s time you had my whole life
You can have it all
this song came to my mind today.. it's been a long time since i've made the commitment.. sometimes i wonder..
11:09 PM
Friday, May 16, 2008
parkinson is a very cruel disease. very cruel indeed. it robs you of your dignity, your worth, everything. it not only inconvenience the people closest to you but it hurts them too. so deeply. the worst thing is that you are not even aware of it. you're in your own world. it pains me to see my patients in this state. sometimes the other nurses condemns these patients and make fun of them but God has been reminding me that each of them is still part of His creation. but it also makes me question God. how does all of these fit into His plan? why did He even create this disease? in the end, you just wait to die.
perhaps instead of asking so many "why" questions, we should ask ask the "what" questions.. instead of asking why did it happen to him/her, ask what is God teaching me or him/her through it all. i believe that i'll never know the reason why until i see God face to face one day. but sometimes i find it so hard to care for patients who has been classified as a DIL or DNR case or pallative case. all they have left is their stay in hospital or hospice. it like waiting for a death sentence. only thing they do not know when it'll come. i feel so burdened for them, to give them the love and acceptance that they need. i wish i could do something more but i feel so insignificant, so inadequate, so helpless. much less using my pathetic nursing skills to care for them.
sometimes it makes me wonder, what happens if this disease strikes someone closest to me? what if happen to someone i love so dearly when he/she growes old and am reduced to this state? what if the person was me?
but as i reflect, i'm thankful that God was so merciful to grandpa. he didn't have to eat thru NG tube, he was cognitively alert till the end, he wasn't bed bound, he didn't give nurses any trouble, he took his medicine consistently and without complaining. grandpa taught me alot thru his life. thru his quiet nature and undemanding self. he was a man of God. he finished well.
but i guess i've been forced to think alot about things. what profit does a man make if he gains the world but loses his own soul. when God determines that our life on earth is up, all that counts is what is eternal. even the richest guy can be a beggar in the kingdom of God if he does not invest in the eternal. but think sometimes it's so much easier to love the temporal and what i can see, neglecting what is really eternal. really need to think more about the way i'm living my life now.. maybe God's trying to reassure me that i've not gone into the wrong course even though so many sacrifices has to be made. but no matter what, i want God to say to me when i see Him, "well done, good and faithful servant".
Labels: God, grandpa, nursing, thoughts
9:59 PM
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
6th may 2008 was my last day of sch. but not really last day of year cux we have attachment. time really flies. one year down, 2 more to go and then "world, here i come".. it's so scary.. :s
as i look back on the past year, i am amazed how faithful God is. the cramming throughout the whole night (something which i promise not to do next sem -i hope- due to the dire consequences), and staying up all night just to finish assignments/projects, realising many things about myself during lectures and what nots, NMs/PGs/crusade DG.. God has really provided for me and been there for me.
i really thank God for how He has guided me and sustained me thru it all.. and i want to trust that He will bring me thru year 1 and to year 2 because He has brought me to it.
i'm really looking forward to attachment, cux it's the more common type of nursing. am excited about it.. about the skills that were gonna perform (simple as it may be).. but then i am afraid. extremely afraid too. i really need to go in there with alot of strength, emotionally, physically, mentally and most importantly spiritually. i need God's strength all the more this time round. but then i may be posted to a respiratory ward instead. there's just so many things to learn and i need a more teachable heart.
well, on a lighter note, the next few days are gonna be relaxing ones. meeting up with people, sakae with my sis, shopping with my mum, slacking.. but then i've promised my mum to help out more in the housework after my exams. will keep that promise.
a few months ago i was the onlooker, the patient's relative. now i will be the nurse, the student nurse. i am afraid.
Labels: exams, faithfulness, nursing, thankful, thoughts
3:34 PM
Sunday, April 06, 2008
i survived this week!! slept about 8-9 hours from sunday night till fri evening.. sunday and thurs night was spent doing essays, therapuetic com and case report.. tues had bsf and then had to complete PBL.. was supposed to submit it 2359 (and it was i who gave the deadline this week cux i led -whoops-) but i submitted it at 4am instead.. slept at 4 plus woke up at 6.. wed night i couldn't tahan and slept at 12.. wanted to do my case report but i just kept falling asleep.. then i overslept on thurs morn.. had to cab to nuh, cux i had cardio rehab field trip and could not be late.. it cost 1.35 times the normal rate cause it was peak hour.. :( i wanted to go for FG on fri but my parents didn't allow cux i didn't sleep much.. fell asleep before my parents left at 8pm.. woke up at 10am and helped my dad do stuff.. missed youth praise meeting but then i reached in time for LT meeting.. then we took celine's car to grace n wei song's house.. we play fun games (not the typical youth-ish kinda games) n had dinner.. started to rain so we went down one level and had dinner there..
you ask me how i did it, i'll tell u i don't know.. i really don't know.. but it's really God who brought me thru this whole week.. been listening to Max Lucado book, the audio version of "in the eye of the storm" (want APA format? haha..).. and he said exactly the same thing.. guess while listening to him, i been realising alot of things.. anyway, i don't know how i managed to keep awake this whole week when i slept so little.. i dunno how i managed to smile and laugh even when i felt so tired.. but i do know that God carried me thru.. and i'm really thankful..
but thru it all, i feel super guilty, cux i think i've been quite a bad testimony? skipped 2 lectures this week cux of essay.. broke a few promises, was supposed to donate blood at TH but then i just was so worried that i'll faint cux of lack of blood and sleep (i feel giddy very easily).. think i've not been a really good steward of time too.. was on msn alot.. maybe i should just fast from msn this week.. and also, i know that i'm not really taking care of my physical body.. depriving it of sleep and rest.. but God is gracious and still sustained me.. perhaps He's also training me for shift work in future.
and also, i guess God constantly reminded me of yiling's sms(thanks, sister if u see this).. times of refreshing, here in Your presence, no greater blessing, than being with You, my soul is restored, my mind is renewed, there's no greater joy Lord, than being with You. even though i didn't spend as much time with God as i wanted to, it really made me kept shooting arrow prayers to God and reminding myself that He will carry me thru.. i guess this also made me not want to skip nursing ministry or prayer groups or crusade DG, or even BSF, cux i knew that i could find renewal in these times.. that God could used these times to encourage me and He did.. was really encouraged by worship during NM tho i felt super sleepy while we were talking after that.. and i'm really blessed by the sessions of prayers we had during crusade and prayer group.. think everyone's going thru the same thing and we all realised that we're been so far from God.. but there is so much comfort in just going to God and seeking His forgiveness knowing that He has already forgiven us and is still carrying us thru it all..
after doing my case report, i realised how i've become so grades orientated.. throughout the whole week while doing essays, case report, PBL, i was just trying to pia.. to chiong and just to complete it.. to get as much marks as possible.. i dealt with Mdm Ong's disease and not her as a patient(not that she is a real person tho..).. and i forgot the most important thing- that i am really studying for God.. i think in nursing it's quite straight-forward.. as we're supposed to study for our patients.. to care for them, their condition and their person.. and thru all these, we glorify God by being His instruments..
and oh, on a ligher note, i bought a new mp4! :) super love it.. it's memory is 8 times the size of my old one and only twice the price! and this one has brand, as in not some china brand that i've never heard of before.. haha.. i'm quite thankful cux it's much cleared when i record lecture.. as in there's not so much static noises and i can hear the lecturer's voice much clearer.. and it's touch screen! :)
been resting today.. sleeping alot besides chr.. kinda feeling much better now and i feel ready for this week.. not that we have alot of lessons tho..
and msn is giving me prob again.. so sorry if i dun reply you..
jia you everyone!!! let's press on and be reminded that it's God who we are serving!! :)
Labels: faithfulness, God, nursing, rantings, sleepless, thankful, thoughts
8:37 PM
=about me=
03.05.1988.
bible church.
nus nursing.
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