Wednesday, December 31, 2008
one year has passed. God has been really faithful. not that He has ever not been but really, i think my eyes are just more opened to His faithfulness. He has really preserved us and provided for us. a rather significant year for me. a year of breaking, moulding and just learning to trust God.
have been so busy with different christmas/birthday parties.. been enjoying most of them even though a couple of times i'm really the oldest "kid" there.. the rest are still like sec sch or sth.. i really do feel old. didn't go for joanne's party today (sorry gal, if you ever read this).. :(
next year there'll be alot more parties cux everyone's turing 21, my friends i mean.. not too sure if i should attend them.. and some invitations in jan are from my friends who i've not talked to, much less seen in years!
many things to do before the year starts. i feel that i'm not ready to start the mad rat race of sch again. but i don't think i'm ever ready. net sem is gonna be a huge toughie to conquer. but i'm really gonna take it as a challenge to purify me and refine me before i face the real scary world.
yes, indeed one year has passed since the day you left. about one year and 20 hours ago. :(
12:53 AM
Friday, May 16, 2008
parkinson is a very cruel disease. very cruel indeed. it robs you of your dignity, your worth, everything. it not only inconvenience the people closest to you but it hurts them too. so deeply. the worst thing is that you are not even aware of it. you're in your own world. it pains me to see my patients in this state. sometimes the other nurses condemns these patients and make fun of them but God has been reminding me that each of them is still part of His creation. but it also makes me question God. how does all of these fit into His plan? why did He even create this disease? in the end, you just wait to die.
perhaps instead of asking so many "why" questions, we should ask ask the "what" questions.. instead of asking why did it happen to him/her, ask what is God teaching me or him/her through it all. i believe that i'll never know the reason why until i see God face to face one day. but sometimes i find it so hard to care for patients who has been classified as a DIL or DNR case or pallative case. all they have left is their stay in hospital or hospice. it like waiting for a death sentence. only thing they do not know when it'll come. i feel so burdened for them, to give them the love and acceptance that they need. i wish i could do something more but i feel so insignificant, so inadequate, so helpless. much less using my pathetic nursing skills to care for them.
sometimes it makes me wonder, what happens if this disease strikes someone closest to me? what if happen to someone i love so dearly when he/she growes old and am reduced to this state? what if the person was me?
but as i reflect, i'm thankful that God was so merciful to grandpa. he didn't have to eat thru NG tube, he was cognitively alert till the end, he wasn't bed bound, he didn't give nurses any trouble, he took his medicine consistently and without complaining. grandpa taught me alot thru his life. thru his quiet nature and undemanding self. he was a man of God. he finished well.
but i guess i've been forced to think alot about things. what profit does a man make if he gains the world but loses his own soul. when God determines that our life on earth is up, all that counts is what is eternal. even the richest guy can be a beggar in the kingdom of God if he does not invest in the eternal. but think sometimes it's so much easier to love the temporal and what i can see, neglecting what is really eternal. really need to think more about the way i'm living my life now.. maybe God's trying to reassure me that i've not gone into the wrong course even though so many sacrifices has to be made. but no matter what, i want God to say to me when i see Him, "well done, good and faithful servant".
Labels: God, grandpa, nursing, thoughts
9:59 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
something my cousin sent me on facebook.. made me want to cry..
btw, happy valentine's day everyone! :)
Labels: facebook, grandpa, tired
2:08 AM
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
long day today.. had physio tut then met miharu for PIP again.. had Canadian pizza for lunch.. so fun.. we sat at a super obvious but vacant spot outside engin E3A block. haha.. ppl thought we were siao.. think my PIP group’s getting quite close.. :) then had lessons- comp nur and PBL :S then nursing ministry.. was good.. felt really encouraged and love by everyone in NM.. i mean, you can sense an atmosphere of love among everyone.. sth very rare in uni where everyone cares about themselves only.. and i feel quite encouraged by what Christians are doing in the healthcare sector.. someone from HCF (Healthcare Christian Fellowhip) talked to us during NM today.. been feeling rather afraid and disillusioned cux many people say that our image of nursing is still too ideal.. am quite worried about the clinical part.. but now i know that there are many brothers and sisters out there to guide us.. had LM after NM. actually didn’t want to attend crusade LM today cux i felt quite tired and not in a really good mood.. but i’m glad i did.. i feel a little more equipped to talk to friends about God, felt challenged to think deeper about what i really believe in too. guess i’m feeling better now than in the morning, after NM and LM..
been feeling really down the past week.. same issues, same struggles, same people.. sometimes i wonder if it’ll ever change? and to add to that, i did super-really, very- badly for physio and anat CA.. really afraid that i won’t be able to make it to year2.. sigh.. how am i supposed to study for physic and anat? :( to be honest, it’s really by God’s grace that i’m in this course, that i’m even able to get a place in NUS. guess since God brought me to it, He’l bring me thru it too. i’m just worried that He brought me to this place to break me but He has other plans for me which doesn’t include this course.
grandpa’s in hospital again.. now that i’m equipped with skills, ethical and law knowledge, i realised that i tend to judge the nurses more.. but really, the nurse didn’t even talk to my grandfather and roughly placed the bp cuff round his arm.. didn’t even lift his sleeve up.. felt like scolding her.. feeling quite burdened and upset about this whole thing.. ethically too.. the DNR part.. whether it should be signed or not.. i’m just glad i’m not involved in all these..
sigh. i really need a break from everything and just spend time with God. was supposed to do so last sat but there were too many things to do and a whole series of events left me too drained.. feel that i’m slipping back to my old self again.. need to remember to walk the talk instead of just talking..
but even in the midst of all these, it can say that God is good. He has been providing for me in many ways that i can ever imagine. really, really thank God for that. there’s campus E this fri and I’m quite excited about it. even last week/this week, talking to different individuals have been an exciting and interesting one.
gonna be another long 2 weeks. gonna konk out now. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Labels: grandpa, nursing, tired
12:51 AM
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03.05.1988.
bible church.
nus nursing.
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